Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
