he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pants are for mortals
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