Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize