i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
