I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
