I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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