I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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