Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
