What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
