next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize