...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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