We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
