i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
now i know why i became what i already was.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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