Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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