So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
