I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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