just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
