dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
