grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
