she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
