the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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