After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
