Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
