Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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