So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
