There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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