i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
