wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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