I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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