Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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