no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
