Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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