someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
