your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
