Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
