I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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