She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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