Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
