hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this beer tastes like vomit already
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Still dying that you shit outside
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
