you turned your livingroom into a bong?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
