Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm gonna have a badass scar
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
