after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
