sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
