Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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