How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize