i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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