kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
