Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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