So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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