I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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