i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
