He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize