u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
