There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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