it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize