how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
