sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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