Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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