my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
