They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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