It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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