I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
