margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
