I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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