Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
