You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
