Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
