you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
