Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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