# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize