It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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