Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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