if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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