When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
