I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
