positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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