Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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