No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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