Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
