im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
