I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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