Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
