dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
