I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
